you can use my skin to bury secrets in

i wish i could express how much i miss everyone. i'm going to an mfg on friday the 17th and i can't wait to see whoever i can. i'm really sad that tara won't be there. i know that a month may seem like a short time to form such a strong connection, but i felt like she was the only person there who kept me grounded and she asked the questions that no one else (including my therapist) would ask.
i'm sad that the girls who have gone back are having such a hard time, and everyday a pray that they and all the girls i grew to love are holding on. i haven't prayed in years, partially because i felt like my life wasn't worth praying for and also because it's easy to lose faith when things seem so terrible. i really don't know where my faith lies, but i do know that i believe there has to be something out there.
i'm so scared of not getting better and even more scared of getting better. i don't know how to live otherwise. i feel like i have to give up one thing or another, that i can't do both at the same time. but right now, i feel like i'm holding onto everything for dear life.
how dear is life?