...

i'm so excited to go to mfg tomorrow at renfrew. i miss everyone so much, sometimes i feel silly that i'm so attached after such a short period of time, but i guess spending every minute together and actually "pouring your heart out" understandably leads to attachment.
i keep having dreams about renfrew. about being sent back, about needing to be sent back, about never moving past the first floor, about not finishing college because of all the stupid shit i do to myself. how can it really be worth that much?
sometimes i wish i could've had more time there.... but i wonder if it would have made any difference. i really do believe that this is a call i have to make myself.
it really is true that i do this all to myself. i just wonder when i became so intent on destroying myself