for the past two years, it has been my job to take pictures of people during "love your body week" (which has successfully turned into "love you body month" here). the goal is to take pictures of people loving their bodies, identifying what they love. Some women choose their hair or their eyes and others venture on to say "i love everything," "i love my curves," or even "i love my body". as much as the forced social interaction stresses me out, it can be rewarding to see people who are so confident and even people who aren't so comfortable but manage to come up with something that they really do like about themselves. i like the project, i like the finished product, but i don't like how much it forces me to realize how uncomfortable i am.
i want to challenge myself, i want to say with confidence and honesty that i, too, love my body, that my insecurity is not in my figure or form. or maybe more realistically that my insecurity is not a hatred, that it will not limit me.
me in 2008
so how does one find solace in themselves when they are crippled by their self-judgment? is it a learning process? do you have to lie until you trick yourself into believe that you will be okay, that you are okay? or do you push through life looking for excuses to like yourself, outlets that make you feel like your life is worth something. that your body is worth something.
3 comments:
it distresses me to no end how much you hate yourself. how ignorant you are of all your wonderful qualities.
i don't know what the right answer is . . . i am obviously not an expert on how to love your body . . . but to me it's the little things . . . like a picture i don't hate myself in . . . even if i don't like myself in it. a good hair day . . . feeling pretty when i'm with you . . . i think "do you push through life looking for excuses to like yourself, outlets that make you feel like your life is worth something. that your body is worth something. " is as close to the answer as one can get
I think you have to pretend. Therapists call it "acting as if", acting as if you are confident. Eventually you begin to believe it. I'm not saying there aren't still days when I hate my body, and it definitely is a learning curve, but no matter how impossible it seems, it is not if you try.
But really, when I look at beautiful people (not like famous people, but the people I love), I think how I see them as beautiful not for how they look but for their confidence. Confidence is what makes people beautiful.
Get a dry erase marker and write affirmations on the mirror in your room. It's okay to start with something like "Maybe I'm not horrible after all" and "I'm trying to learn to love my body", but eventually I want you to get to "I am beautiful"
You will see it every time you look in the mirror. You will see it instead (or at least in addition to) all your self-percieved flaws.
Good luck,
Love, Jenny
thinking about what jenny said . . .she has a point
maybe you need to find a balance . . .like with all things
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